


Indigo Kisses

by The_Stuckness



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comfort, Drama, Guilt, Isolation, Other, Suicide Attempt, red feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:50:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1590632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Stuckness/pseuds/The_Stuckness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Sollux Captor and you regret everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indigo Kisses

It's the bees, it's all their fault. They make the honey. You couldn't help yourself. That voice in your head kept fucking with you. Aradia's gone, but it's not your fault. You scream up into the sky and clutch your head. How could you, how could you cull your matesprit??? This isn't fair! 

\- 

Your name is Sollux Captor and you regret everything. You tear your hive apart out of frustration, yellow tinted tears running down your face. Everything hurts, especially your chest. You don't know what to do. The voices aren't letting up and they're telling you that you're a horrible person. That it's all your fault. But you swear it's not. You didn't want to kill her, and you don't know why you did. 

A beep comes from your husktop and you look over at it, the undersides of your eyes swollen. The mocking blue text is staring you right in the face. 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 12:32 

AG: Heyyyyyyyy loser, isn't it gr8 to get the old m8sprit out of the w8y?   
TA: go away 2piiderbiitch  
TA: thii2 ii2 all your fault  
AG: Why are you being so l8me bee boy? :::: /   
AG: That bitch had it coming!!!!!!!! hehehehehehehehe. >:::: )   
TA: whatever   
TA: leave me alone 

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] 

AG: Wow, looooooooser!!!!!!!! :::: I

\- 

You can't believe her. Now you know who to blame, and it makes you even more upset to know you've fallen to her mind games. After a bit of self pity you slam your hands down and get up, trudging to your sleep pod. The soper slime is inviting as you slip in and call for sleep to take you away from reality. Dreams of Aradia fill your mind. You have fits for hours, waking up and dozing off. Soft screams erupting into fury. They twist into distress and you just can't take it anymore. You slip out of your pod and change your clothes, looking out the window. Maybe you just need some air. 

You started out walking, you swear you did, but after awhile you gave up. Using your psionics you float and float. Just wandering around. You end up at the ocean, Gamzee is sitting around (probably waiting for his Lusus) and you surely do not want to talk to him. So you continue wandering. You find yourself shedding more tears as you float over the ocean. Maybe you should just drop. Lose yourself. Surely Fef won't save you. You just culled your matesprit afterall. No one should save you. 

Yes, that seems right. You like that idea. So you drop, falling into the icy water with a harsh slap. Without struggling for air, just letting yourself go, you let the water engulf you. It gets darker and darker, and you don't see anything. Maybe it's because of your lack of oxygen, or maybe it's because you're really alone. Either way doesn't matter. Black envelopes your sight, and you lose it all. Water floods into your lungs and now you know, you'll be culled by this decision, and you don't care. 

\-- 

You wonder if you're going to see Jegus if you open your eyes to the light fighting against the lids. Then you cough. It's harsh and body racking, and suddenly you open your eyes to the image of a purple haired monstrosity. Okay maybe that was cruel, but so was the the feeling of water coming back out of your lungs. You don't like drying up, it's official. With a hoarse voice you speak up to the stupid troll above you.   
“E-Eridan, you piece of thit. Why are you here?” He just shrugs and looks away, and you can swear that there is a purple tint creeping on his face. Oh great, you think, he's flushing for you. Just what you need. Another quadrant nominee to get culled. 

You try again, forcing him to speak with an easy threat. “Eridan, I thwear to gog, if you do not tell me, I will thmack you tho fucking hard.” You see him visibly swallow and then he looks down at you.   
“You wwere in trouble, Sol. I couldn't let you drowwn.” Glaring at him hard you sit up, frustrated with his interference.   
“You fucking dumbath! I didn't want thaved! I didn't want to come back here! You're thuch an athhole...” Tears start rolling down your cheeks and you sob hard. Never before have you broken like this, but here you are. Eridan just stares at you quietly, and then he crosses a few lines no one has before. His arms are awkwardly wrapped around you, and he isn't saying anything. He's just embracing you, and it makes you sob harder. Not even Aradia embraced you like this. It was nice, but it was also painful. 

After a few moments you try to get him to let go, but he won't. Deciding that sitting there crying as he holds you is awkward, you wrap your arms around him just crying into his shoulder. He's solid, and warm, and the purple of his cape is being wrapped around you. You like it, you really do. And you think for a moment that if this continues, you might end up liking him too. You're sad, desperate, and scared, but he's scaring it off. Your desperate need for a lifeline isn't what's drawing you to him. It's the idea that he has always hated you, and now here he is, holding you like you've never been held before. 

You pull away from him, finally calm, and stare at his face. “Eridan...”   
He seems to take you saying his name as an encouragement and he leans forward, and holy shit his lips are against yours. You melt against him and kiss him back slowly; not quite sure what started this. He seems unsure and he's holding you closer than before, practically pulling you flush against him. It's almost overwhelming, but you kiss him a bit harder. Pulling away you blink your bicolored eyes at him, confused. He smiles softly and brushes his hand against your cheek, his face a dark purple. It's breathtaking, but his words are even more breathtaking. 

“You calm noww, Sol?” A part of you screams that someone cares, that someone isn't being hard on you, isn't hating you. Maybe you don't need to hate yourself if this troll can even care for you. His intentions don't say black, they yell red. While guilt should be eating away at you for thinking such things right after you lost your matesprit, you don't care. You've just flushed for this troll. No matter the blood color. Your face is a dark yellow and you nod, trying to smile though your face is numb and you don't know if you are. 

“I will be if you do that again...” He smiles again and presses his forehead against yours, the frames of his glasses brushing against your skin. 

“Of course.”


End file.
